Dear Clara, Reid & Chase,

My darlings, I'm writing to give you some insight into my mind. You see, today has been hard on me. You are all special and precious and dearly loved. That's why today has been especially hard.

Clara, it would be easier if I let you eat Popsicles from the moment you woke up to the moment you went to bed. Instead, I have to make you eat a diet with more balance and limit your intake of Popsicles even though you constantly ask me for them. It would be easier if I let you sit and watch tv all day. It would be easier if I let you watch "Sponge Bob". Instead, I limit the time the tv is on knowing that when you aren't watching tv, you are probably making a huge, creative mess. Instead of letting you watch "Sponge Bob", I only allow shows and movies that aren't crude or disrespectful and have some sort of educational value.

Reid, it would be easier if I let you eat Nilla Wafers for 3 meals a day. Instead, I work tirelessly to come up with new and different things to let you try. I try not to get frustrated when you gag on what I've fixed, spit it out, and then refuse to open your mouth again.

Chase, it would be easier if I didn't have to watch you constantly--if I'd let you do the things you want to do like stick your fingers in electrical outlets, climb up on top of the dining room table, eat dog food, or sit on the cat and pull her hair. Instead, I don't even get the chance to go to the bathroom without worrying about what you are getting in to.

My love for each of you is what drives me. What is exhausting, is when I feel like I am trying to "drive" in the direction opposite the way you want to go! What makes it even harder is when I feel like I'm using every last ounce of energy to pull against all THREE of you at once.

This is something you may only understand someday when you become parents. (Clara, daddy may never let you leave the house and get married and therefore you may not ever experience parenthood!) Just know that I'm working hard. When I seem flustered or short tempered, I'm really just weary. If I didn't care about you, parenting would be a LOT easier on me. I hope that someday you'll understand why I choose not to take the easy way.

I love each of you WAY much!

Mommie

Balance

In my adult life I've spent a lot of time balancing.

Balancing school and personal life.
Balancing work and graduate school.
Balancing being a teacher and being a wife.
Balancing working and mothering.

Just as I thought I was entering a phase with less to balance, I find myself stretched and divided in new ways. It is more of an internal balance and one that is more difficult to capture in words.

In parenting my daughter, I'm trying to balance compassion and consistent discipline.
In parenting my sons, I'm trying to balance independent play and engaged play.
In my own mind, I'm trying to balance selflessness and the real need to take time for myself.
In my relationship with my husband, I'm trying to balance career support with my desire for us to have quality family time.

Thinking about it all just makes my head spin.

Dr. Seuss said it best when he wrote...

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.